With my Rosary and coat, I slip out the door into the crisp fall night. The fragrance from the oven wafting through the door after me. The stars are out and the frosty dew crunches softy on the grass beneath my feet. I tilt my head to the night sky and a soft smile warms my face. Warm memories of the day soften the chill of the night. The fog is rolling off the pond as I walk slowly around it, my fingers grazing one by one over the beads in my pocket. I gaze up at those stars letting them take me back. I let them wash over me, renew me like the Baptism of Jesus. Conversations, hugs, and dreams pass through my mind like the lights of passing cars drift through the fog-banked pines. I think of the celebration of the Wedding Feast of Cana and wonder at the joy of others for two people who finally found each other. What beauty.
Around the pond, walking slowly, letting the beauty of it all soak into me. Its been so long since I have taken the time to just let beauty take me on a journey. No cell phone, no watch, no distance between me and God. Yes, I’ll have to wake up in the morning, but this is rest. This is peace. If this is a foretaste of the Kingdom Jesus was talking about, its no wonder we die before seeing God’s face. No human could live through that kind of gentle intensity. If one were to wonder if she were beautiful, she need only to look around herself at what God made. Could a perfect being create all of this beauty and give His greatest creations any less?
Tonight my heart is Transfigured like Christ. Tonight God drew a smile upon my heart and it will always be there. He asked me if He took away all this, the memories, the conversations, the love, the beauty of it all, would I still love Him, would I still have joy. I answered, “God, if You are promising me even more than this, I will give it all away.” “Everything?” He pressed softly. Visions of the gifts He has sent me, causing my great joy, floated through my mind. “Yes Lord,” I answered, trying to be strong. “everything. If You are promising to give me all of this and more in the end, I only ask that You give me the grace to remember this night. To remember this joy, this beauty. If all of this is only a shadow, I can hardly wait to see from where it came. Lord, this is all so beautiful, call me Home to Your table. I am so happy here, but when You are ready, I am ready.”
The stars wink down from the sky. The fog rolls out over the fields. The sound of my footsteps are muffled by the lapping of the water on its banks. A smile fixed on my face, I turn my eyes homeward. One day I will get there. Someday I am going home.
The stars wink down from the sky. The fog rolls out over the fields. The sound of my footsteps are muffled by the lapping of the water on its banks. A smile fixed on my face, I turn my eyes homeward. One day I will get there. Someday I am going home.
