I can still smell you Grandma
Sometimes out of the blue
I’m taken back to a place in time
And see your smile and your crinkle eyes
If I listen closely
I can still hear you laughing
I see your whole self radiating the joy you feel
At something others wouldn’t find
If I just sit for a moment,
I can see the whole family around
Laughing, throwing frisbees,
Wrestling footballs to the ground
I remember those raisin cookies
The kind I never liked
But they were some of the best cookies I ever had
Because you made them with me
You couldn’t run and play outside
You’d watch us and wait for our treasures
Sometimes flowers, sometimes snails
Or your not-so-favorite: baby frogs with tails
Whatever you touched inherited your joy
Whoever you spoke to went away with a smile
Sometimes I wish I could see what you did
And learn again for a little while
I wish you were here Grandma
I wish you could see me now
I’d have you meet all my friends
And ask you about those crazy boys
I would braid your hair again
And make your coffee black
Then we would talk and watch the birds
And smell the fresh-cut grass
I still hear your chair creaking up the hallway
I can still hear how you dealt with your pain
Never blaming God or wimping out
You never were one to pout
You taught me how to suffer
You taught me how to live
You taught me all the things that matter
And I hope I haven’t forgotten
And I never forgot my promise Grandma
I learned to play one violin song
It was only Twinkle Little Star
But I played it with my whole heart
And then I cried with my whole heart
And Grandma
That Thursday when you died
I go back to that day often
With things I wished I’d done
That day I realized “live each moment like your last”
Was not just a feel-good phrase
I often wanted to relive my life up until that time
And tell you how much I loved you
And show you how much you made me
It’s hard to believe its been
Eight years this last Thursday
And thirteen years for Grandpa
Since you left and went to heaven
Tell Grandpa I have dibs on riding
In whatever boat he is making this time
And maybe when I get to heaven
You will be able to show me where the sweet flowers grow
And where you, me, and Grandpa
Can thumb-stamp the first robin of the spring
I miss you both and I love you
Keep praying for me like always
And maybe someday, hopefully
I’ll figure out what you had learned so well
