How Exciting Should Life Be?

I watched the movie, Bourne Legacy, again tonight and I couldn’t help but put myself in the movie and have that feeling I am sure many people have had: that they wish they were in the movie too. Wouldn’t that be exciting? Maybe not the whole getting shot at part, but all of the excitement, for girls: having a guy fighting on her behalf and putting his life on the line to save her, and for guys the excitement of having a mission so important it’s worth dying for—and chicks dig you for who you are and what you do. Wouldn’t life just be so much better if we had that? If our lives were action movies with another almost unconquerable danger around the corner and raw emotions we can really feel and know? Ones that we don’t have to update, figure out how to prolong, or just try to bury? Simply excitement. Ok, so we probably have all wanted that even if just for a moment before reality set in and we realize maybe being shot at, beat up, or almost dying for something isn’t quite such a thrill, but we still wish it could be, don’t we?

So what should reality be? Dead and duller existence on earth wondering if we ever get to be the super-stars we dream of being? Or do we have to just cater to a goody-goody-two-shoes life that Christians are “supposed” to embrace: “love, everybody love...and NO violence, excitement, or passion about anything other than just being so happy about God you can’t explain it to anyone.”

The fact is, we’ve forgotten the facts. In a culture so inundated with staying shallow, living on feeling, and rushing headlong into the unknown, as fast as you can, so you can experience it just for the sheer experience of it, we have forgotten what it is that we really crave and how we are meant to be a part of it.

I feel especially empathetic for the men out there in this world when girls have been so negatively influenced by the culture to only want to be around the tallest, most muscled, tough, but simultaneously sensitive and flirtatious guys out there. Everyone else just doesn’t measure up. After all, how would a fat, bald guy with a lisp and glasses fit into an action movie? Isn’t he supposed to be the guy that taps on his computer, in a room full of other guys just like him, all trying to keep a single high tech tracking device up to speed with the “super-man,” right? Not exactly a picture of manly prowess and unmatched superiority as an alpha male, is it?

And how about girls? What are the ladies supposed to be: always available, ever beautiful, with a perfectly tan, slim body, and the lighting just right so that her eyes sparkle with the light of the sun from beneath that perfectly manicured hair-do that would never in a million years stay that way in real life? All together seductive, alluring, and perfect. But perfect for exactly what? And what about the girl who is overweight, has acne, or isn’t the right size to fit just perfectly under her man’s chin so that he can be “masculine” dominant and she can be “feminine” seductive? Yeah, look close in the movies, because that “imperfect” girl is probably spilling coffee somewhere as a low-pay waitress or tappity typing on those computers following the “perfect” girl who’s clinging to the "super" man.

                Why?

Why are we being geared to establish our value by how attractive we look or how supremely-exciting and out-of-the-ordinary our lives are? And why are we so drawn into these movies? What in us makes us want to be that guy or be that girl? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for a good action flick or even a well-written romantic, but if God had a plan when He gave us the initial desires we have been ingrained with deep in our very beings, what did He have in mind?

Let’s go back to the facts. Reality is, God made us, and as St. Therese of Lisieux so boldly says: “the good God never gives desires that He cannot fulfill.” So what desires are from God? We can’t go be super-beings can we? Yet every man still wants a mission; still wants something to be able to conquer where he can “be the man” and every woman wants a strong man who can conquer the task at hand and who will love her and provide for her. The problem is, we’ve been sold a lie: that men should dominate women and women should get even by manipulating him to do what she wants. I’ve heard it said that “man’s greatest fear is inadequacy while his greatest desire is to be adequate, and woman’s greatest fear is insecurity, while her greatest desire is to be secure.” Yet, what is all the mainstream pointing at? Make men feel inadequate by super-imposing an unrealistic standard upon the physical aspects of their being while making women feel insecure by painting an unattainable picture of how they “should” be in order to be acceptable. Shallow. Shallow. Shallow. This is all skin deep, but we are more than that! Addressing the skin deep part, however: Guys, real-life girls don’t have an endless wardrobe or a lighting crew to make them look perfect at every moment and every angle. Ladies, sorry, do you really want your man to be on some sort of hormone steroids to look like Captain America? Let’s be real here and true to ourselves, despite what the media claims can be our personal truth if we but strive for it.

So what is it that runs deeper? What is it that this social-lie is trying to cover up with all of these shallow, misguided desires? What about the desire to be a real man and the desire to be a real woman? Like Pope John Paul II often did in his writings on The Theology of the Body, let’s go back to the beginning; let’s go back to Who made the man and woman in the first place. God isn’t just sitting in heaven peeling an orange and waiting for all of us to “realize” that He just creates random things and sets them free on the earth. Neither is the devil taking a break and just watching it burn. God makes everything for a specific reason with an indescribable purpose, while the devil is doing his best to make it burn through certain focal points. A good strategist aims to wipe out his opponent’s greatest asset. In the case of the devil, that’d be us. 

How does one do this without the target realizing the evil plan and doing something constructive about it? Answer: preoccupy them enough to make them think it was their own plan; their own desire. By turning men against women and women against men, and fueling it with their own fears and their own desires with a sick twist, no one is asking the right questions. We have ceased to ask why we do what we do and feel what we feel. We have stopped trying to figure out where all of this is coming from and we have occupied our whole beings with just being enough to pass standard; to fulfill our earthly desires that spring from the very depths of our soul! But we were not made to be completely fulfilled on earth. We are not staying here; we were made for something more. (Curtis Martin—author of Made for More).

So that’s where we are coming from, now, where are we going and how does our desire to be our own super-being fit into that? Where does God’s plan come in? The answer: we are all super in our own ways. Now don’t write that off as cushy-mushy "lets-all-feel-good," seriously, God doesn’t make junk. He made man alone, and then He made a woman to complete His great vision for them and THEN called it—them together—very good. (Genesis 1:31) They are equals, though different; and they were made to stand on the same side of the battle ground helping each other. So where’s the super-ness in that? Well, what is the battle?

Think about it, God made something so good as to be the crown of His creation of the entire world (that makes you pretty darn special) and you think the devil is flicking his cigarette and saying I don’t care? No! He’s out to get you and me and he wants you dead, separated from God, separated from each other; separated from happiness. Being a Christian isn’t goody-goody-two-shoes, its knowing who to fight and how, so we can ride into the Kingdom with our victorious battle scars as conquerors of our fears, of our wayward passions, of our shortcomings, our inabilities, the lies we have bought, the untruths we have thought, and to then lay it all down before the throne of the King. You want passion? Now there is something to be passionate about! There’s a war out there to be won. Men are called to a mission worth dying for and no matter their stature, status, or skin-deep appearance, they are called to work in unison with the women God put in their lives and to uphold and protect them. And women, they are called to be secure. Even more than just “acceptable,” they are to be a desired help-mate; held tight in the palm of God’s hand and fortified by His masculine creations. Who better, than a woman, to captivate and motivate a man and strengthen him with her words of praise and trust? We were made to work in unison to get to the ultimate goal: heaven—everlasting joy with the God who thought of us; created us, and gave us every joy we have ever known. We were meant to get there alive and free although there will be narrow misses as temptations rage, and some will fall prey to their misguided passions as the devil sweeps in and sews lies into their hearts. There will be traitors turned white knights and white knights who will fall and become traitors. There will be harlots who will become princesses and princesses who will stoop to being harlots. There will be confusion, and raw emotion, as well as depth and true meaning; and undeniable purpose. What greater purpose could there be than to partake in what we were made for?

There is a battle to be won and a beast to be slain. A damsel in distress who waits for someone brave enough to stand up and thwart the dragon so she can uphold him as a worthy man; knowing her warrior’s heart and treasuring it. So that, together, after fighting in their unique but equally important ways in this epic battle of battles, they can both, together, enter heaven, be gathered into the arms of their Creator and Father and finally hear those sweet words: “Well done my good and faithful servants.”

To GOD be the glory forever and ever amen!He did

Suffer Sinner and Fail Again

A long drive ahead with both of my hands firmly gripping the steering wheel of my car, my little mind in the land of the wandering and pondering, I was suddenly struck by the thought that as surely as my hands were firmly guiding my car, they were certainly NOT guiding my life. In retrospect, my life is a mess. Complete failures seem to mark its every twist and turn. I sat there in my driver's seat presenting, to the One who's hands guide my life's steering wheel since long ago, every failure—of life-changing proportions—I had ever experienced: college—twice, jobs—several in sight of a single year, missions—barely, family—my fair share, friendships—more than I care to count, and dating—let’s not even go there. I wasn't planning on counseling with God that day about all that is train-wrecked in my life, but tears started pouring down my face as I recollected how in the midst of all those failures I had found a hope to cling to; a "supposed reason" of greater good that I thought God must have been striving to attain and yet, even these were failures or never existed in the first place! "So what God was the point? Not only did all the plans and dreams I thought you were leading me to failed, but even the things I thought you were going to bring out of the rubble as a redemption, failed as well! Why? For the past several years, plan after plan has failed while only partial successes—giving only a portion of the happiness I seek—have barely survived. Through all this, what did You want me to see? What did You want me to learn? What is all of this pain for? I have prayed "Thy Will be done" again and again, from the bottom of my heart, in the midst of it all, and still, years later, what do I have to show for it?"

Suffering is a two-way tool. God uses it and so can we. God uses suffering to teach us and to show us what love is; we use it to declare our love to Him and to unite our sufferings to His to glorify God as Christ's Body and Church. Suffering is a language of love, but sometimes we don't recognize it as such. Punishment results in suffering so we sometimes think that God is disappointed in us or that He is allowing suffering because we deserve it. But it is not that God wants us to be in agony, He is trying to teach us that: to love is to suffer. After all, how special would real love be if there was no pain, no suffering, no trial to overcome? Love would be as easy to give as it is to eat an ice-cream cone—pure enjoyment and painless! Sometimes, God allows suffering as a teaching tool when our agonies are self-inflicted. We tell ourselves that we will not be happy, will not conquer life's trials, will not be able to LIVE until "X" happens, but we forget that our view is about as clear as the sun is easy weigh. We cannot possibly know what is truly best for us at any given point in time or even as an overall whole! As God tries to lead us to extreme happiness, the Evil One is trying to lead us to extreme anguish. Yet Jesus says in Matthew 6:33 "But seek FIRST His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well."(to see what else will be given to you, look at the verses before number 33.) Seek first... as in, "Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done" ....FIRST! As in, yes, before our needs and desires are fulfilled.

“Thy Will be done” is hard. It's really hard when our own little agendas and desires and so called "needs" crop up. But like Matthew 6:32 says, God already knows we need these things (food, clothes, etc.) He KNOWS! ....He knows.... So relax and don't worry about your needs! The God who created you to have these needs already knows what you truly need. Jesus goes on in Matthew 7:11 "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much MORE will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" So is it wrong to ask for things when Our Father in Heaven already knows our needs? No, surely our pleas upon His merciful heart must be like sweet affections to Him as we humble ourselves and allow Him to be our Father, to seek to win our hearts, to pour His blessings out upon His children who ask for His love and kindness! How much sweeter is the aid a parent can give to a child who asks for help than to a child who makes no mention of his or her needs, seeks no help, nor gives any thanks? 

In all things be thankful for you do not—cannot—know what the Father is doing. And pray with endless hope because God is not finished with you or His plan for you! He is still working; still striving to give you as much happiness as you will allow Him time and freedom to give you. 

So how much suffering will you endure now, so that the Father can complete His great work in your life and teach you how to truly love? How much faith and hope will you trust in Him even when there seems to be no tangible reason for faith, hope, and trust? How much time will you give Him so that He can work on giving you the extreme happiness He so longs to give you? I would suggest: all of it.

"I am poured out like water....." Psalm 22:14-31

Beauty from Him

With my Rosary and coat, I slip out the door into the crisp fall night. The fragrance from the oven wafting through the door after me. The stars are out and the frosty dew crunches softy on the grass beneath my feet. I tilt my head to the night sky and a soft smile warms my face. Warm memories of the day soften the chill of the night. The fog is rolling off the pond as I walk slowly around it, my fingers grazing one by one over the beads in my pocket. I gaze up at those stars letting them take me back. I let them wash over me, renew me like the Baptism of Jesus. Conversations, hugs, and dreams pass through my mind like the lights of passing cars drift through the fog-banked pines. I think of the celebration of the Wedding Feast of Cana and wonder at the joy of others for two people who finally found each other. What beauty.

Around the pond, walking slowly, letting the beauty of it all soak into me. Its been so long since I have taken the time to just let beauty take me on a journey. No cell phone, no watch, no distance between me and God. Yes, I’ll have to wake up in the morning, but this is rest. This is peace. If this is a foretaste of the Kingdom Jesus was talking about, its no wonder we die before seeing God’s face. No human could live through that kind of gentle intensity. If one were to wonder if she were beautiful, she need only to look around herself at what God made. Could a perfect being create all of this beauty and give His greatest creations any less?

Tonight my heart is Transfigured like Christ. Tonight God drew a smile upon my heart and it will always be there. He asked me if He took away all this, the memories, the conversations, the love, the beauty of it all, would I still love Him, would I still have joy. I answered, “God, if You are promising me even more than this, I will give it all away.” “Everything?” He pressed softly. Visions of the gifts He has sent me, causing my great joy, floated through my mind. “Yes Lord,” I answered, trying to be strong. “everything. If You are promising to give me all of this and more in the end, I only ask that You give me the grace to remember this night. To remember this joy, this beauty. If all of this is only a shadow, I can hardly wait to see from where it came. Lord, this is all so beautiful, call me Home to Your table. I am so happy here, but when You are ready, I am ready.” 


The stars wink down from the sky. The fog rolls out over the fields. The sound of my footsteps are muffled by the lapping of the water on its banks. A smile fixed on my face, I turn my eyes homeward. One day I will get there. Someday I am going home.